


Never Let Me Down Again

by orphan_account



Category: Depeche Mode
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 04:07:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16779277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: SOFAD era, female reader/Alan Wilder. During the first leg of the SOFAD tour, Alan got depressed and his relationship with his wife slowly fell apart. Only a certain someone could make him feel better...*short oneshot*





	Never Let Me Down Again

You had known Alan since 1984 now, and you were one of his very closest friends. He trusted you with what he couldn’t bring himself to tell Jeri, even, and you had a bond so deep that Jeri had gotten jealous sometimes and fought with Alan, after which he would come to you, crying, and you’d comfort him while thinking to yourself how ironic it was that you were the one comforting a man who had just argued with his wife over who he was closer to, you or his wife. His relationship with Jeri had gotten rockier over the past couple of years, and now for Christmas of 1993, Jeri had told him she was celebrating Christmas without him and that he should take a vacation. 

Alan had been heart-wrenchingly upset, and of course he had asked to spend Christmas with you. And that’s where the two of you were now, sitting on the couch in front of the Christmas tree. Not too close, of course—Alan was loyal to Jeri no matter what she thought he was doing behind her back. You felt bad about it, but you wished a little that they would split and you could have Alan for yourself. You didn’t wish for Alan’s heart to be broken; you wished for it to belong to you. For three years now you had been in love with Alan, and you’d realized it when you were waiting in the mixing room for Alan, having promised to take him out for dinner as a celebration for when Violator was finished, and he’d invited you in to listen to the final mix of Halo. 

You’d sat down next to him and listened, and Alan had intently watched you to try to figure out what you actually thought of it. As the song went on, you realized how incredibly sexual the song seemed, and had found yourself becoming attracted to Alan. When the chorus came on for the first time, you dared to glance over at Alan, who was staring at you with an unreadable expression in his blue eyes, which were deeper than usual. He was sweating slightly, and you had wondered if he felt the same way as you did. You sat there trying to concentrate on the song and not Alan, and then the chorus came on for the second time and both of you lost your resolve at the same time. Your lips had crashed together, and you had had the most passionate, wild, guilty kiss of your life. You hadn’t been able to believe that you were kissing Alan, and you liked the feeling of him being so close to you. The song had ended before you knew it, and he had pulled you into his lap, kissing you more gently this time. 

Jeri had picked this moment to walk into the mixing room to ask Alan whether he was done or not. And that was probably why she hated you afterwards, couldn’t stand to look at you. You knew that you had been wrong, but it felt so good to be intimate with Alan after six years of carefully avoiding it. Alan had told her it didn’t mean anything, that you didn’t mean to and it was all his fault, he felt particularly odd in that moment. He had tried to take the blame for you, but she had been determined to pin it on you. You and Alan always protected each other as much as possible, but Alan couldn’t do anything about this. So Jeri had gone on hating you, although she slowly regained her trust in Alan. She had never fully trusted him, though, which was why she eventually told him she didn’t want to have Christmas with him. You were there when she asked, and you could remember all too well the way his face crumpled and he made a small noise of sadness and then fell into your arms where he stayed for a long time. You had shot Jeri possibly the angriest look you had ever given anyone in your life—no one, no one made Alan upset like that and got away with it. You knew now how much you loved him, and even if you would never get him as a lover he was your best friend. 

Now he was curled up on the opposite side of the couch, and all you wanted, you realized now, was for him to be curled up next to you, not so far away. You wanted him to give you the physical affection that he gave Jeri, and you wanted to be told that he loved you. 

It would honestly be a Christmas miracle if that happened. Miracle, which in your experience meant impossible. 

You suddenly realized, Jeri did not treat Alan nicely, or at least hadn’t for the last year or two. 

“Alan?” you asked, slightly drunk from the champagne you’d had earlier in celebration of Christmas Eve. 

“Hmm, dear?” Something about Alan that you loved was how he addressed you so sweetly, which was another thing that Jeri hated about him. 

“Why do you love Jeri? She treats you like trash.” 

“Oh, sweetie, I did kind of turn into trash, didn’t I? I’m hopeless, always giving up and being upset. Ever since SOFAD. Honestly, she treats me well for what I’m worth,” he told you sadly, and you shook your head vehemently. 

“Alan Charles Wilder, you listen to me. You are not trash, you are the most amazing man I know. When did you stop being proud of being so perfect?” you asked, only half teasing. 

“I’m not perfect. I’m nowhere near it, and I’m surprised Jeri wanted to be with me for that long. Why do you even still like me?” Alan looked down, and you realized how much SOFAD had taken a toll on him. 

“Like you? Alan, I love you,” you told him, not knowing what to do. “I loved you since the day you kissed me. When Hlao was playing. I really do, Alan, and you’re worth every bit of it.” 

“Really? You’re kidding, aren’t you?”

You shook your head, a small smile appearing on your face. “No. I really do love you.”

Alan didn’t do anything for a full minute, taking that in. “Come here, right now.” 

You smile and do so, and you realize that a bit of the old Alan is coming out. Right now he was defeated and just wanted to be taken care of, but the old Alan loved to be in control. 

Alan pushed you back against the couch cushions and hovered above you for several seconds, enjoying the look on your face. 

“Charlie...” you complained. 

“Ssh,” and he crashed his lips onto yours. Suddenly nothing else mattered, and you were all over each other, doing the things you couldn’t before. His hands were stroking your hair, and yours were touching his beautiful face. 

You were sitting on Alan’s lap now, still kissing him. 

“What about Jeri?” you finally asked. 

“You’re right. She doesn’t treat me right. Wait right there, darling.” He got up and picked up the phone, dialing what you could tell by the certainty of his fingers was Jeri’s number. 

You watched him as he called her, getting angrier and slightly hurt. You tactfully went to the kitchen as to not overhear their conversation, and when you went back to the living room he was sitting on the couch looking slightly tired. 

“I did it. She got what she deserved.” 

“You didn’t have to. It was Christmas, you could’ve worried about that kind of stuff later,” you mumbled, looking down. 

“But I did, sweetie, because I didn’t want to feel guilty about the things I’m going to do to you. I’ve waited so long...but for now I’m just going to kiss you,” Alan told you, and he pulled you down into his arms and kissed you again, his hands roaming over your back. You snuggled close, and he touched you as gently as if you would break if he was rough with you. 

You laid your head against his shoulder and fell asleep then and there, and he did as well, neither of you having ever felt so safe and loved. In the moment before you closed your eyes, you decided that this moment was the best of your life, and you knew that Alan was thinking the same. 

-end-

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Don’t be afraid to tell me what you thought :)


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